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Welcome to the BCW arena.

The Big Two, anyone who calls themselves a fan of the sport associates this term with the WWF and its arch rival the WCW. However, anyone who calls themselves a fan of the sport in Our World would be dead wrong, because the number Two is an often used PC method of describing feces, and there's plenty of that in the upstart promotion BCW.

No one knows how or why the BCW exists. As a matter of fact, many believe its existence proof positive that the world has gone to shit. Known for its dirty language and sleazy angles the BCW (Butt Championship Wrestling) comes to us live from Todd Hopkinski's anal cavity and appeals mostly to the alternative lifestyle crowd and people named Jesse.

Many of todays living legends are somehow intwined within the fiber of BCW. "The Lionfart" Chris Jericho was presumeably born deep within the bowels of the BCW arena and has since been shat out into the world, where he still continues his quest to reconnect with his birth father The Assclown.

The Man called Stink has since retired from the WCW and set his sites on browner pastures fighting off his arch nemesis' (usually turds) for the BCW Toilet Paper Championshit. He still keeps in touch with his long time friend "The Total Package" Lex Luger; upon finding more out about the role The Narcissus plays in Our World, the more disturbing that seemingly harmless fact will become.

The latest (and possibly most important) addition to the BCW roster is its gatekeeper Psycho Sid. Formerly a multiple time WWF and WCW World Champion Sid has retired to doing what he loves...waking up everyday at the crack of dawn and fighting off opposition with plungers at the exit to the BCW arena, a young boys butt. Sid is considered a pedaphile in Our World due to this fact, and thus has trouble competing in his other passion...JV Softball.

Call the BCW arena what you will. Dank, dark, smelly, puckered....one thing it will never be is corny. Unless of course thats what the fans want. BCW caters to the people, spreading its form of Squirts Entertainment to the nostrils of hungry fans everywhere. Long live BCW, OH.....MY.........GAWD!!!!

Ahhh Dude...What's up Brother!

Hulk Hogan has been one of the major forces in the world of Sports Entertainment. While even casual fans of professional wrestling are aware of the "Hulkster", his exploits away from the glitz of the ring are less known. In the following paragraphs, the secrets of the Hulkster's home life, his early days in wrestling, and his life today will be discussed in detail.

Hulk Hogan was born Hulkathen Hogan in 1953. His parents immediately noticed that their son was exceptional due to the fact that he leg dropped his way out of the womb. Despite this, Hogan's near super human abilities begin to get him into trouble when he perfected the leg drop at the tender age of two. The second victim, the Hogan family cat "Mittens", was sent straight to hell when the toddler Hogan tripped and sent his leg right down on the unsuspecting feline. Hogan's parents, justifiably concerned about their son's powers, commanded him to only walk on his hands so that his legs would be rendered useless. As a result of his parents wishes, Hogan walked only on his hands for the rest of his childhood, in the process developing his famous "26-inch pythons."

At age 19, it was discovered that Hogan had lost his sense of depth perception due to the overwhelming amount of blood that had collected in his brain from walking on his hands. The blood had filled his head (causing all most of his hair to fall out) and his chest, resulting in a severe case of jaundice. As a result, Hogan appeared red and yellow. The depression that enveloped Hogan only began to alleviate when he watched his first professional wrestling match shortly after being diagnosed. Hogan was so enraptured, that he immediately jumped in the ring, and leg dropped on the contenders, permanently killing him. When the promoter of the event, Vince McMahon, heard about what had happened he decided to sign Hogan immediately. When McMahon noticed Hogan's peculiar red and yellow skin color, he requested that Hogan join his promotion as "Red and Yellow". As a result of these events in 1979, WWF signed "Hulk" (his name was shortened to fit on the contract) Hogan to became an active professional wrestler. Despite this, many wrestlers initially refused to wrestle Hogan, fearing the leg drop. Eventually, many wrestlers charmed by his witty vocabulary, worked on bulking themselves up, and therefore more and more became able to withstand one leg drop (although, two leg drops was still fatal for everyone, with the exception of a certain dentist and a certain bear...). In 1985, the blood in Hogan's head began to affect his mood. Knowing that his diet was one of the reasons, Hogan undertook a strict diet of vitamins. The vitamins worked wonders on his jaundice, and eventually his skin condition cleared up. Hogan hoped to capitalize on his on his new found health, but he did not wish to alienate fans of "Red and Yellow." Hogan decided to compromise, and officially changed his ring name to Hulk Hogan, but kept his famous red and yellow ring attire.

Hogan's career skyrocketed throughout the eighties. It was during this high, that he met "Macho Man" Randy Savage. They both showed an interest in music, and Hogan even showed Savage how to play a championship belt like a guitar. Savage encouraged Hogan to release an album, even showing Hulk some of the recording he had made while he was creating the world. Hogan took his advice, and recorded "Hulk Rules", an album considered by many to be a musical masterpiece as well as the cure for the dreaded disease, cancer of the face.

As a result of this success, Hogan and Savage quickly became friends and decided to buy a house together. They chose a quaint little home and immediately set on decorating it in red and yellow. Over the years, Hogan's medical problems severely restricted his vocabulary and his hearing. He had a massive stroke in 1994 and as a result, Hogan was restricted to only a few words, notably "brother" and "dude". In another heart-wrenching note, Hogan's condition was put on display when he was forced to put his ear towards the crowd, just to hear them cheer him. Despite this, Hogan persevered, and today he has retained many words and phrases that he used in his youth. A few months after the stroke, Hogan joined his friend Macho Man and signed with WCW. While there he helped create the immensely popular nWo. The gimmick was highly successful, and for the first time in his career he parted with his trademark red and yellow. During this time, Hogan discovered a love of spray painting things. He used his new found talent to spray paint his championship belts, as well as his beard.

Hogan's new success in the ring was supplemented with the arrival of two new neighbors, Kane and Undertaker in 1995. Hogan took a liking to the two neighbors, and decided to try to offer them advice over the fence ala "Wilson" from "Home Improvement". Unfortunately his limited vocabulary made the advice little more than just random words in a sentence. It was also at this time, that Hogan's lack of depth perception also became more apparent. In a confrontation between Hogan and The Wall (R.I.P.), Hogan believed that Wall was right beside him on top of a building. Hogan screamed at Wall to "Come down Here!" Unfortunately Wall was miles away, and was incapable of acquiescing or even hearing Hogan's demands. The embarrassing episode forced Hogan into semi-retirement.

In recent years, Hogan has made only occasional returns to the ring, claiming to feel old. While many accept this explanation, there are others who believe Hogan now occupies himself with super-villainery under the guise of the "Red and Yellow Goblin." Despite this controversy, Hogan spends most of his free time living with Savage and occasionally showing up at the home of his neighbors, Kane and Undertaker. He still maintains his strict diet of vitamins, and has been known to come to the aid of anyone requiring his spray painting or leg dropping services.

Sittin on a Gas Bubble with Kevin Nash

Big Sexy, Diesel, Super Shredder, whatever you choose to call him, the undeniable fact is that Kevin Nash has become one of the major stars in professional wrestling. While many look to those who have reached the pinnacle of stardom as an inspiration for pursuing their own dreams, Kevin Nash remains an anomaly. In the following article, I will detail how Kevin Nash has achieved so much, by doing so little.

Kevin Nash is known as the resident bum of professional wrestling. Incredibly lazy, Nash rarely performs an activity that could possibly result in him exerting any physical energy. Despite this, his striking resemblance to one of the "gods" (a fact which will be elaborated on later) has caused him to find much success in both WWF and WCW. He first came to prominence as Diesel in the WWF, and immediately began to set terms for his contract. While the specific terms have not been revealed, it is known that he stipulated that he not have to wrestle often due to a recurring gas bubble. The magnitude of Nash's gas bubble was not known at the time, and many believed that Nash's laziness and strict reading of his responsibilities allowed him to do relatively little unless it said specifically in his contract. It is also known that due to this kind of loophole, the contract only explicitly paid Nash to lift his opponent during a power bomb. This discrepancy resulted in numerous injuries, since Nash would just drop his opponent resulting in many people's death.

It was during this time that he meant Scott Hall and began to use his new friends as entertainment. Hall became the universal luxury for Nash, performing many functions at the behest of his new master and receiving alcohol as payment. After joining WCW as "The Outsiders", Hall and Nash purchased a home from real estate agent "The Dog Faced Gremlin" Rick Steiner. The home quickly fell into disrepair due to Nash's laziness and Hall's drunkenness. It was at this time, that Nash's recurring gas bubble began to get worse. It culminated with the bubble popping in late 1998. The lazy Nash of course made Hall clean up the mess with his tongue, despite the fact that WCW had maintenance people employed to perform this function.

Hall and Nash's home continued to worsen, until it was condemned in 2000. As a result, Nash forced Hall to build a tent, and they pitched it on Kane and Undertaker's lawn. It was at this time that Nash's requests for Hall became more violent. Desperately wanting money, but too lazy to do even basic functions in order to earn it, Nash became more and more demanding of Hall. Therefore Nash would freely bet Hall's services for relatively small amounts of money. Some examples of Nash's request are for Hall to eat razor blades while sitting in fire so that Nash can laugh and collect a bet of $.50 as well as Hall stabbing himself while driving a car into a tree for $1.00. Unfortunately, the only way to keep Hall subdued was by filling him with massive amounts of alcohol. Therefore, all the money made by Hall for Nash, was immediately invested in Hall's alcohol. This never ending cycle has caused little change in Hall and Nash's life, and at the current moment both are frittering away their days and nights on Kane and Undertaker's lawn.

The Tower of Power, to sweet to be sour......

Little is known about the dawn of creation. Before the reign of man on Earth, there was God. Before God, there was the Macho Man Randy Savage. Randy was never created, never born, he just was. Out of the boredom of being the only living entity Savage created many things during his solitude, two of which are very important to the forming of OUR WORLD. One we won't speak of until a much later blog, the other music. Not just music as we know it to be today, but a sound so pure and beautiful that it split itself into 14 tracks of husky voiced rap and spread itself throughout the eddy's in the space time continuim; arriving at several key points during the history of the world we know to exist with the universal message "Be A Man".

After his song "Tear It Up" knocked a meteor onto a direct course with prehistoric Earth, Macho Man remained innactive for many years rightfully blaming himself for the Ice Age and xenocide of the dinosaurs. Billions of years later he came out of hiding in an effort to save Jesus Christ from the crucifiction, and clear his good name. But alas, due to the time it spent to color coordinate his elaborate costume, he arrived too late to thwart the treacherous Judas and all was lost. Or was it? Shortly after on the day that is now known as Easter, Savage did indeed take his revenge by elbow dropping the traitor straight to hell; with a force so mighty it unearthed the boulder covering the messiahs tomb with the gospel from his title track.."Be A Man", waking Jesus from his slumber and single handidly creating Christianity, and countless inaccuracies still taught as of now.

For a short time Macho became tired of his physical form and after a night of binge drinking and listening to his song "Let's Get it On" used his powers to become the moon, serenading the sea with his poetic verse and basking the earth in his calm light.

For many years Macho has stayed dorment until landing a career wrestling for the WWF and endorsing Slim Jim beef snacks, the natural post retirement job for a omnipitent beings. After many years he became complacent, looking for more out of his life once again, so he left the WWF for greener pastures in the WCW. WCW was a good move for Savage because this is where he met another creative musician. A man who's muse of saying your prayers and taking your vitamins mixed beautifully with Macho's funky like a monkey mindset. This man was Hulk Hogan, and thus the Mega Powers were formed. Over the years the two combined their music to cure such horrible diseases as cancer of the face and constant suspended animation.

Today the two still live together in harmony next door to The Brothers of Destruction in the Mega Power House. Neither knowing that the other have taken on super hero personas. After a short appearence in Spiderman, Macho became the Slim Jim slinging crime fighter known as Machoman, a growling old man with bug eyes and a pinache for neon clothing. Meanwhile, Hogan has taken up committing crimes under the guise of the Red and Yellow Goblin having some kind of identity crisis between his Hulk and Hollywood incarnations.

Perhaps...a ride to Raw is in order?

When naming the blog that would unleash our brain child onto the unsuspecting public, only one character came to mind. Possibly my favorite of the lot, OUR WORLD's resident fun loving vampire Gangrel. As I mentioned in an earlier post little is known about Gangrels residence other than the fact that he lives somewhere near The Brothers of Destruction, Kane and The Undertaker. Gangrels main focus in our world is his neverending search to bum a ride to RAW (where he was released from over 5 years ago). The problem lying in Gangrel's assumption that RAW is indeed a physical location and not a brand that travels the country and indeed the world. Key victims of Gangrel's obsessive disorder are Reno (who Gangrel offered to free from his flaming prison, ONLY AFTER getting a ride to RAW, which as you may have picked up on, is a physical impossiblity) Kane and Undertaker (who have heard it so many times on a daily basis, they offer little or no reaction to his plea) and countless other players in our world. Recently however, the tables have been turned as Canadian Superstar Lance Storm has exploited Gangrel's need for a ride, going as far as to promise one to him in exchange for his loyal friendship. Whether Storm even owns a vehichle is still up for questioning as he and Gangrel spend most of their time looking for the aforementioned means of conveyance.

But Gangrel is not a one dimesional character in OUR WORLD, so as not to ruin the unexpected twist of the ALTERNATE WORLD (oh yeah, there's another one..or two) we'll delve deeper into our favorite Vampires side job providing OUR WORLDly daylight for its inhabitants. In his battle with Macho Moon over the love of his wife Luna, Gangrel inadvertantly became the entity now known as Gangrel Sun. A huge orb that rotates the earth for 12 hours of the calendar day with the demonic visage of a Vampire's face asking those its comes across for rides to RAW. The problems that arise from this are many, both physical and scientific, as a Vampire's natural enemy is sunlight. The topic is only made more confusing by the fact that Gangrel is often seen freely roaming the earth in humanoid form continuing his quest of Monday Night Absoluteness.

Hell, Damn, Jesus Christ!

The continuing account of our world would not be complete without mentioning a wrestler considered the bridge between the cross-over success that was Hulk Hogan, and today is "The Rock." I am of course talking about Stone Cold Steve Austin.

While Stone Cold's story is not long, his presence is important, and therefore, it justifies an article. Stone Cold showed up in the WWE first as the Ringmaster and later, the beer drinking wrestler we have come to love. Despite his affinity for beer, he originally enjoyed drinking grape soda on the turnbuckle, but this was curbed after it was discovered that beer was much more popular with the fans. Stone Cold became more and more popular with Kane and Undertaker after one of his action figures showed in a pose that hinted at him flying through space with his shoulders out and his legs back. Austin's career seemed to be soaring until the faithful day he was on the receiving end of Owen Hart's "pogostick" piledriver. The damage done to Austin's brain would be incurable. The injury severely restricted his vocabulary, and he was only able to use the "G" rated profanity; hell, damn, and Jesus Christ, to express himself. Austin also took to stalking other wrestlers, but only from places where he could easily be spotted. Many of his peers, notably Kane and Undertaker, allowed such behavior, but over time they become more and more fed up with Austin's actions. Some of the wrestlers even began to shout at Austin, who upon being discovered would let out a girlish "he he", and then run to another hiding place. Austin is still alive and well in the 1st world, despite his diminished role.